


Fate Was Never Kind

by anastiel



Series: Supernatural Codas [18]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel and Dean Winchester Have a Profound Bond, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Coda, Destiel is canon, Episode: s15e18, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e18 Despair, i am in shock that is something i can tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-11
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27505219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anastiel/pseuds/anastiel
Summary: The Empty, imperceptible as ever, asks, “You saved him, was it worth it?”Without hesitation, Cas answers, “Yes.”
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Supernatural Codas [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/160976
Comments: 79
Kudos: 432





	Fate Was Never Kind

**Author's Note:**

> Destiel is canon, finally!!!!!! 
> 
> Spoilers for 15x18. The title is from Satellite by Maggie Rogers, one of my favorite Destiel songs.

In the Empty, it’s loud. 

Cas comes to with the ground rippling beneath him, vibrations from the cacophony of angels and demons awakening. The Empty itself is nearby, a few feet away in Meg’s form and staring at Cas with a particularly gruesome smile, almost victorious at having Cas back in its grasp, their deal finally settled. 

“Welcome back. Castiel.”

Cas doesn’t respond but rises to his feet. He spares a glance at the gash on his palm, still seeping with blood, and feels tears prick at his eyes. 

_ Dean. _

Moments before flash through his brain; Dean’s shock at Cas’ confession, how he stood there so silent taking in the gravitas of Cas’ words, and horror written all over his features at his inability to stop Cas from being swallowed by the Empty. Above all Cas remembers the peace that filled him after telling Dean he loves him. Over the years he’d come close so many times, during car rides to and from hunts, in the last seconds before death, during reunions, and even some mornings watching Dean cook breakfast in his hot dog pajamas. It never felt right, not when he didn’t have the slightest hope of Dean returning his affections. He’d rather continue on as they were, best friends. It was what Dean was comfortable with and Cas was content with just being with Dean in whatever capacity he was allowed. 

The Empty, imperceptible as ever, asks, “You saved him, was it worth it?”

Without hesitation, Cas answers, “Yes.”

The Empty gives him a curious look, awe reflecting back at him through Meg’s features. Without another word, the Empty turns, walking into the ebony darkness, the ground shuddering underneath its feet, no doubt heading off to try and quiet the others.

Around him, angels and demons begin appearing, chattering amongst themselves. Some former brethren try to speak with him, but he avoids their questions and starts walking. 

The Empty itself is an extension of the shadow, all-black goo, extending out in every direction forever. Normally, from what Cas remembers, it’s all silence. Now, the chatter is reminiscent of angel radio, a building annoying tinge of static. He continues away from the sound, walking for what feels like hours, until the voices fade and dissipate to nothing but a faint whisper. 

It’s here he sits, cross-legged on the black ground. Pulling his knees up to his chest, Cas curls in on himself as the gravity of all that has happened finally hits him. He scrubs his blood-stained hand through his hair, hiccups back a sob, and cries. 

He’s free, he’s at peace, but it’s only been a short while in his new eternal home and he  _ misses Dean.  _

Reciprocation of his love for Dean wasn’t needed for his happiness to finally take hold, nor did that reciprocation exist, but now surrounded by the darkness, his awareness of how alone he is hit. He wants nothing more than to be away from this place, back on earth, and with Dean. 

Thoughts ping around in his skull, reminding him that finding the true happiness of finally baring his soul was more than worth it _.  _

_ Dean is alive because you loved him. You always knew it would end this way, your life for his. This may not have been written in Chuck’s story, but it was written in the fabric of your essence the moment you touched him, branding your mark on his soul.  _

This wasn’t his destiny, it was his choice and he’d choose it every time if it meant having one moment in Dean’s presence. In another universe maybe, one where they had time to figure everything out, one where there wasn’t always an apocalypse on the horizon, maybe then Cas could have been what Dean needed. 

He knows it’s not true. Chuck said as much. Only this universe did he allow himself to fall, only this universe did Cas fall for Dean in every way imaginable. Only this one. 

There were moments he thought he saw inklings of Dean loving him back; lingering glances holding for too long, a touch of a hand on Cas’ shoulder gripping just so that might mean something  _ else.  _ None took hold. Dean never felt worthy of anyone’s love, let alone Cas’. It’s no wonder that even if Dean felt the same way, he wouldn’t have been able to take what he wanted for himself. Cas treasures how Dean was able to love him. Memories remain, vivid enough that Cas feels the ghost of Dean’s hand on his shoulder even now, keeping him warm here in the expanse of nothingness. 

He sits for a long time until tear tracks dry on his cheeks, stained pink from his now crusted palm. It’s quieter now, the distant whispers of angels and demons silenced. Cas hears nothing, absolutely nothing. When he shifts, adjusting his coat around his shoulders, the rusting of fabric sounds as loud as a bomb. 

He won’t sleep, much as the Empty might like him to, but he closes his eyes and remembers what it feels like to be in Dean’s orbit.

* * *

Later, days or hours Cas isn’t sure, he’s broken out of his haze of Dean-thoughts by a tug in the center of his chest where his grace resides. Inside, tucked in right next to his heart, a burst of grace glows hot, twists and curves, awakening. His chest aches, not in pain but of warmth, comforting and yearning all the same. Whatever the source it’s stretched thin, reaching him from somewhere far away. Glancing around his vicinity, Cas looks for the source of this strange phenomenon, expecting a trick of the Empty itself. Instead, he finds blank black staring back at him and the usual eerie quietness. 

Sliding his eyes shut, focusing on the source, he tracks the invisible string connecting him to whoever or whatever is calling out. It travels from his soul, breaching the thick layers of the empty’s protective layers, heading down all the way to Earth to a warded basement in Lebanon, Kansas. 

_ Dean.  _

That’s not possible, it shouldn’t  _ be _ possible. Tears slip down Cas’ cheeks, as the warmth in his chest blooms stronger, their connection strengthening. 

Cas zeroes in on his grace, balling up the energy, and lets it go, sending it to Dean’s soul. Dean answers back and Cas can almost see the radiance of him from here, golden light crafted with the utmost of care, the most beautiful in all of creation. 

A powerful rush of energy hits Cas, a star explosion in his chest as their souls join as one. Dean’s voice fills his mind, shuttering, cloaked in sobs, but he’s there.

_ “Cas? Cas. Fuck, I hope you can hear me.” _

Dean’s voice cracks, emitting a fractured sound in the shape of Cas’ name. Cas can see Dean, so clear in his mind, even from hundreds of thousands of miles away, scrubbing at his face with shaking hands to stop himself from crying so he can speak clearly. Their connection is strong enough Cas can feel the pain he inflicted upon Dean. He feels guilty of that, of hurting Dean with no salve to heal him.

_ “I-I don’t know if it’s too late, if you’re already gone, but I need -- I need you to hear me.”  _ Dean sniffles, pauses and Cas hears him intake two sharp breaths. 

That tug on his grace is back, sharper and more insistent, a deep-rooted yearning tinged with sadness, the kind Cas has never felt from Dean before. 

Something’s different, Dean’s soul feels different. He feels free. 

_ “No one’s ever said anything like that to me before, Cas. No one. And you were right, I don’t think I deserve it, I never have. But I keep hearing your words over and over in my head and maybe for the first time, I might believe you. Because it’s you. Because you see me for what I am, the good and the bad, and you love me.”  _

Dean’s voice cuts off in a near-hysterical disbelieving laugh. He’s crying still, heaving sobs Cas hears echoing in his mind. Now Cas is too, big heavy teardrops that stain the lapels of his trenchcoat. 

_ “But I’m mad at you too, you self-sacrificial bastard, you left before I --- fuck.” _

In the seconds that follow, Cas feels what Dean says before he says it. Dean’s soul emits a wave of euphoric warmth and it joins with Cas’ grace, washing over him, pure and unconditional. Love. 

When Dean speaks, his voice is barely above a whisper, timbre trembling with every syllable. _ “I love you. I’m sorry it took me so long to say it.” _

Dean loves him. 

Dean  _ loves  _ him. 

Cas thought it impossible to feel a happiness greater than he had right before The Empty took him, he was wrong. 

For a moment, there’s nothing but the sound of Dean crying. Cas wishes that prayers traveled both ways, that Dean could hear him. His grace burns happily in his chest, ecstasy coursing through him, exhilaration akin to that of touching stardust. He pools some of the energy, letting it rise until it peaks and soars out of him and goes to Dean. 

Seconds later, Dean’s voice returns. 

_ "Cas?! I felt that, I can feel you." _ He falters as if he can scarcely believe that this connection between them forged so long ago in the depths of hell is capable of this. _ "I can feel you." _

_ “I’m going to find a way to get you out,”  _ Dean continues, voice resolute. _ “I’m going to save you and maybe, after this is all over, we can both have what we deserve.” _

Wiping a hand over his damp cheeks, Cas smiles through his tears and wants Dean to be right, wants him to find a way. For the first time in a while, Cas has hope. They’ve rewritten the course of their own history many times, forged in love for this world, for their family, and one another. It’s only fitting that they should rip up the ending and find each other one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, I can be found on [twitter](https://twitter.com/anastiels)! Come cry about this new chapter of destiel with me! <3


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